


What Can We Do?

by HEA_andallthelike



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Caught off Guard, First Time, Inexperience, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Secret Relationship, Sexual Experimentation, So Painfully In Love, tragic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-10-25 05:14:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10757439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HEA_andallthelike/pseuds/HEA_andallthelike
Summary: ** I am part of another fandom, that I ADORE, but can't stay away from this one any longer. There's something about these two...It was so seamless, so natural, that for a split second they really believed that they could have this. The ease with which this all started, couldn't have been less indicative of how it would all play out. Walking away is unthinkable, but how far can two young men go to keep a secret? And will one, or both, break along the way on the path they choose.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope people like it ☺ I've been a fan of the show but recently started really delving in and I'm so hooked it's insane. I realize I'm more of a newbie, so please let me know if you think my interpretation is way off, it's just how I see them, and I can't stop how much I'm falling for those two

_"Jen," Jared whispers, the soft sound barely able to pass his lips. Jensen looks at him, eyebrows gently creased, while his eyes survey the beautiful mans face before him. The intensity in the hazel eyes staring back at him is enough to break him then and there, because its not the intensity of passion that he so routinely witnessed these past couple of years, but an intensity sparked by a devastating fear._

_"Jen," Jared whispers again. "Jen, please. What can we do?" His voice catches on the last word. Jared bites down on his lower lip trying to stave off the tears he knows are coming. As his eyes fill, and the first few fall down his cheeks, Jensen reaches and so softly and gently wipes them away, it only succeeds in reminding Jared even more what's at stake, and they start to flow freely. Jensen pulls Jared to him so their foreheads rest against one another. He wishes more than anything he could have one of the writers whip him up a perfect response, but he knows in this moment there is no script to follow._

_"Jay I, I dont know," he says. Jareds breath is taken away from him, and all Jensen can do is hold him close. "I'm so sorry baby, I dont know."_

 

< 1.5 years earlier > 

Jensen throws his head back in laughter, eyes squeezed shut depriving people of their penetrative gaze. 

"You laugh every time!" Jared says accusingly, but there's a hint of laughter in his voice, which causes Jensen to open his eyes and look at the scene in front of him. Jared has picked up a napkin trying desperately to wipe the dressing he spilled off of his shirt, but he only succeeds in spreading it over the entirety of his chest. "Fucking hell," he mumbles to no one in particular, the corner of his mouth pulled into a pouty scowl. 

Jensen tries, he really does, but he can't help it and shakes his head as he doubles over in laughter again. 

"Jen!" 

Jensen takes a few breathes and with a smirk looks up at his friend. "Jare, my god it's every time!", he chuckles, "you spill all over yourself every time we eat!" 

"It's not my fault! The food has a far way to go to get to my mouth," Jared whines. "Little guys like you don't have this problem," he says, but he smiles anticipating the reaction that will get. 

"Little guys huh," Jensen rests his elbows on the table. "Ain't nothing little about me my friend," he says with a little Texan  drawl emphasized for effect. 

"Hey I'm just talking bout height man," Jared jokes. "Sorry if I hit a sensitive subject." Winning, that was winning, thinks Jared giving himself a mental pat on the back. He goes to eat a bite of the chicken Jensen made, and his friend and co-star swipes at his fork making the morsel of food fall in his lap, messing up the crotch of his pants. He stares down at the mess in his lap and can't help the small annoyed smile crossing his face as his friend dissolves into another fit of giggles. "Touché Jen." 

"Serves you right, bitch." 

This is how the two of them live these days. Jensen moved in and a sort of domesticity set in. They're starting to rub off on each other. Jensen begrudgingly eating more healthily, and Jared slowly learning a confidence needed to survive this industry. They became best friends so quickly people constantly make the joke of them being 'bro-mates', neither one of them generally preferring the term, but are good sports when the crew use it. 

Eventually dinner is over, and Jared takes to doing the dishes since Jensen was the one who cooked. Scripts came in today for the next weeks shoot, and they know they need to go over it before initial rehearsal and blocking starts tomorrow. 

Jensen is already flipping through the pages when Jared finishes up in the kitchen and sits next to him. Neither of them seem to notice their legs resting on each other's; another thing hey get endlessly teased for is their lack of personal space. 

"We're barely in any scenes together," Jensen mumbles under his breath.

Supernatural is in its second season and is starting to film the final episodes. The arc the season took this year has been pretty awesome, the reviews and fan reaction have been amazing. They already know they've been picked up for season 3. 

"There's the end scene," Jared responds. "Pretty intense," he states as he reads through those specific pages. 

"Yea." Jensen agrees. "You ready for that?"

Jared ponders the question for a minute. It's an emotional scene. He knew it was coming, but he does feel the pressure of pulling this off. 

"I've got it easy Jen," he starts. "I die, but you're the one whose gotta react to it. Are you ready?" 

Jensen takes a deep breath, eyes never leaving the script, "I guess we will see." Jared smiles at him. Jensen was not happy when they found out that this was the direction the finale was going. He'd rather be the character dying, not because he wants some sort of dramatic glory, but because he himself has some very Dean-like qualities, one of them being how protective he is of Jared/Sam. 

"I always heard that little guys were more emotional," Jared knowingly teases deciding he will ride that wave as long as he can. "Guess it's true eh?" 

Jensen slowly puts down his script. "I'll pull it out right now Jared, so help me God." He looks right into Jared's eyes letting him know that this was no bluff. His lips twitch upwards however and Jared can't stop the laugh from escaping.

"Whoa there! Easy cowboy! Don't strain yourself," Jared plays. He then takes on facade of a concerned acquaintance. "Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about what your packing. As long as YOU'RE happy with it, that's all that matters. 

Yup that did it. Jensen takes a deep breath and Jared knows he is ready to pounce. He dives out of the way a moment before Jensen lunges at him and he starts to run to his room as Jensen follows. He gets there not a moment too soon and slams the door right before Jen gets there. He is laughing so hard he can barely keep his body pressed at the door long enough to lock it before Jensen pushes past him. "Geez Jen, size queen much?" 

"Jare, one of these days my friend. One of these days." 

They both laugh as the adrenaline rush wears off. It's late, and they instinctively know it's time to check in. "Night Jen."

"Night bitch." Jensen says to the gentle laughter of Jared. Jen can almost see his friend shaking his head through the door. 

They both retire for the night, each of them thinking of the other as though that's a totally natural thing. What neither of them realize is that the pit they feel in their stomachs, the dread they feel every night when they go to sleep, the feeling they ignore every evening, is the loss of the others presence. One day soon, they won't be able to ignore it anymore.

 

 

 


	2. Til my heart stops

"You guys ready for this today?" Kim asks, hands on both Jared and Jensen's shoulders. 

Jensen has been quiet, and Jared's given him a little distance. He is silently relieved that Kim took notice of some of the tension and reached out to them. 

"Yea, I think I'm good man. Bobby ready to go?" He asks.

Kim isn't directing this episode, but he does get the next one, so he is here so he can best set up for it. He has become such a mentor for the boys, especially Jensen who is interested in all things directing. 

"Yup, waiting on a few light checks and he is ready," Kim responds. "Jensen, yah good?"

Jensen looks up and gives a little nod with a small smile. He takes a deep breath and walks towards set with Jared a pace behind him. His hands are in his pockets and he is hunched over. He couldn't make it more obvious that he is not looking forward to today's shoot.

Oh lord, Jared thinks, he is gonna have quite the job tonight getting Jensen to loosen up. He takes note of the rush of affection he has for the guy.  It's nice to know that even at his characters pretend death, someone cares about him so much he doesn't even want to act it out. Jared, though outwardly boisterous and happy, has always felt a bit of an outsider. There are very few people who are still in his life from when he grew up. He never thought anyone truly understood him, turns out he is still trying to understand himself at the ripe old age of 23. Jensen's helped him with that. Watching Jensen now, all pouty, makes him smile inwardly. For such a macho guy, he sure can be a softie. He claps Jensen's back as they walk, and Jensen claps his hand over Jared's for just a second, wordlessly appreciating his friends gesture of support.   

It's straight up miserable out. Dark and cold and wet. Perfect for what the scene is supposed to look like, awful for the people who have to partake in it. Jensen is off to the side with Jim waiting for Jared and his scene partner to go over the blocking for their fight scene.

Jensen was relentlessly teased by Jim about how he treated the actor who kills Jared in this scene. "You look at him like he smells like a pile of cow dung," Jim had laughed. Jensen couldn't help but laugh too, because he honestly hadn't noticed that he was doing that until it was pointed out. He watches them now, Jared and Aldis, and is impressed by how well they're nailing their choreography. They are both big dudes, and the intensity is pretty off the charts. 

"Agh, fuck!" Jared goes down to his knee. That's all it took.

Jensen notices immediately and runs on over. "Whoa dude, take it easy with him man!" He can't help but shove Aldis back a bit when he gets there. Aldis just raises his hands up and takes a few steps back, "Sorry man, I didn't think I even got yah," he exclaims, clearly concerned that he hurt the larger man.

Jared looks up and sees Jensen's typical alpha personality take over and rolls his eyes laughing. "Jensen!" He stands up, "Geez, I twisted my ankle a bit cuz my shoe got stuck in the mud when I tried to move, chill out man!" He starts laughing as the crew take a collective breath of relief and disperse back to their respective areas. Jensen looks down at Jared's ankle and Jared does a dramatic dance to show he is A-okay. 

"Well thank fuck for that," Aldis pipes up, putting his hands on his knees, now laughing at Jared's dance that could only be described as a cross between hip hop and an Irish jig. 

Jensen still looks concerned, and Jim who didn't run over, yells from afar, "He is okay yah fluffmuffin! Git over here!" 

Jared puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head with a soft smile on his lips. "See, littler guys man, they're pretty sensitive too. Keep proving my point."

Jensen snaps out of his concerned coma after the dig and does what Jared calls his sexy model man scowl. "Alright princess," he starts, "I'm settling that debate with you tonight yah jackass. And YOU'RE the one who fell to the ground from a little ankle twist," he shouts while pointing at Jared accusingly. "Toughen up buttercup," he ends while walking back to his mark. 

"Places!!!!!!!!!" Bob shouts, and everyone buckles down. Time to get to work. 

^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_

 

"Sam, look out! Sam, NOOOOO!" Jensen/Dean runs over to Jared/Sam, gets down on his knees, and goes through his lines he speaks towards his dying brother.

At first Jensen couldn't imagine how Sam was supposed to die while sitting up. He couldn't get past it! "He's huge! Wouldn't he just fall over?" He asked. Jared made some smart ass remark about how he should hit the gym more if he cant hold up a dying dude, and Jesen flipped him off with both hands for that one. Eventually he was told to get over it, because that was the way that Sam was going to die. Now sitting there with Jared/Sam in his arms he understood. 

Dean holding Sam up, and Sam even while dying, trying not to fall? Well hot damn, if that's not the show in a nut shell. 

Jared had decided something before this particular shoot started. He knew it would take a couple of takes, and he thought it would be better to be silent and reserved between each take. Basically, going against EVERYTHING he normally does with resets. He knew Jensen had a tough job to do, and he wanted to make it easier on him by not jumping up and being so _lively_ between the times he was supposed to be _dead_ . It worked. Jensen's tears came more easily each take, and he held Jared so much tighter on that last one. Once Bobby had yelled cut, Jen popped up and started walking away. 

"Hey... hey Jensen wait up," Jared called jogging after his friend. Jensen stopped walking and leaned back against a trailer of some sort. Jared stood right in front of him, looking into his friends tear filled eyes. "You okay?" It was all he could ask.

Jensen looked to the side, his jaw kept clenching so tightly, and Jared could see he was biting the inside of his cheek; that nervous thing he does when he doesnt want to get to emotional about something. They stood there a few minutes until Jensen had regained some of his composure. He sniffed and batted away a tear that had a only begun to descend, acting annoyed that it fell to begin with. Jared drops his eyes towards the ground, offering his friend the smallest degree of privacy. If there is one thing that Jared knows Jensen hates, its being vulnerable. There were reasons for that though. Reasons they had only begun to talk about. When he looks back up, he sees his friends bright green eyes staring intently at him. 

"You didn't say much between takes. You didn't look at me. There was no break man, just you- gone, that whole time." Jensen shakes his head slightly and runs his hands through his hair. "I dunno man, felt too real." 

Jared starts to feel guilty. He really intended to make things easier. "Jen, I'm sorry. I thought if I kept it serious this time it would help you get through that. You did that for me that one coma scene remember? It helped me."

"Nah, dont be sorry dude," his co-star grunts, "that whole thing just kinda sucked. But hey, you did a great job dying!" Jensen is smiling sarcastically now, and Jared lets go of the tension he felt in his shoulders. "Truly, top notch dead guy acting there."

Jared shoves at him, "Fucking jag-off." Jensen laughs as Jared walks away. He only made it around 5 feet before he is grabbed and turned around and has Jensen's arms wrapped around him. He startles for only a second until he wraps his own arms over the shoulders of his friend. Their heads are pulled together as Jensen says, "Thanks for all that man, it was rough." Jareds about to reply but he takes in a deep breath and breathes in the scent of Jensen and gets side tracked. Instead of saying 'You're welcome' or something normal like that, he says "You smell good, what is that?" 

Jensen starts laughing and pulls away. "That's the scent of Jensen Ackles tears. Guaranteed to make men and women drop their pants in two seconds flat." 

"Ha, men too eh?" Jared wonders aloud.

"It's been known to happen," teases Jensen. He winks and heads back towards his trailer. The day is done. 

That leaves Jared standing there wondering why his heart stopped beating for just those few seconds. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obsessions taken over. I'm fully invested in this one


	3. First Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> remember that rumor about Jensen and his cast mates from A Few Good Men? This chapter is inspired by that :)

Jensen and Jared have finally gotten home after the emotional shoot. It's midnight. They should sleep. They want to sleep. But they dont. 

On the way back they had stopped and picked up a six pack and a pizza. Now, sitting in front of the tv eating and laughing at the ridiculous things on at this hour, things feel so normal Jared decides to permanently ignore the moment back at set. He wont think of the thrill he got when Jensen mentioned men in a way that was so friggin suggestive. Nope, he wont.... he wont. Seriously. 

Jensen goes to take a shower, and Jared decides to call Sandy. They hadn't talked in over a week, and he only just got a text from her so he knows she is up. 

"Hey baby," she answers in her usual sing song voice. 

"Hey San, how ya doing?"

"Been better. That job I was so sure I was gonna get? Yea they started shooting yesterday, and I obviously wasn't there soooo..." she trails off. Sandy was not pulling down jobs easily these days. Jared always thought she was talented, and she always seemed to get a decent amount of call backs, but never could actually land the damn job. 

"I'm sorry, " Jared starts, and he means it. He sometimes feels bad that he seems to never have had a hard time landing a job. He has never thought of himself as a very talented person, regardless of what Jensen tells him, but he keeps getting offers. "You know one of these days, it WILL happen Sandy. You know you can call me right? Why didn't you let me know?"

"i knew you had a rough schedule this week, and I have friends and things here, it was okay," she responds, and Jared isn't sure how he should take that. "How was the shoot anyway?" 

"Actually it went really well," and he starts talking her ear off about the set and the story and how he thought Jensen did a really great job, and how he cant wait to see how the fans react. Eventually he notices that his girlfriend has been silent for a while. "Sandy.... you still there?"

"Hmm? Oh yea, that's great baby. Listen can we talk more about this tomorrow? I'm beat."

"Sure," he sighs, knowing that they wont talk tomorrow. They never talk tomorrow. Thing is, they both genuinely seem okay with that. "Talk tomorrow, night."

He lays his head back on the couch cushion and rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to scrub the conversation from his mind. He has known Sandy for such a long time. She has never been anything but wonderful. Supportive, never jealous, a great friend. There's just... something missing? He sees other couples and how they cant keep their hands off of each other, and even though Sandy is beautiful, he just has never felt that way. He sighs to himself, its never been that way with anyone though, he thinks. Maybe he is just missing that part of DNA that makes him drool just to touch his partner. Ugh, its too late to think about it now. He gets up and goes to the kitchen to get another beer and slice of pizza, when he returns Jensen is there in just his old thread bare sweatpants and for some reason his towel is wrapped around his head.

"Keeping your pretty locks covered up Jenny?" Jared teases laughingly plopping down on the couch next to him. 

"Ha!!! You're one to talk rapunzel. _I'm_  not the one who owns a blow dryer." With that he throws a pillow at Jared which causes Jared to lose control of the plate of pizza he is holding and it falls into his shirt. Jared just stares down at his chest that is now covered in cheese and tomato sauce, and then turns and glares at his best friend who cant stop laughing. "EVERY TIME!!!" He exclaims. Jared just groans and shakes his head. It's not MY fault, he thinks to himself. He is too tired to try to clean it up so he just strips his shirt off and hurls it at his roommate. Jensen catches it without even looking, "I'm awesome." Jared rolls his eyes. 

They eventually find Wall Street on some random channel and become heavily engrossed in it. Jensen stands up and stretches, and when he does, Jared can see the outline of his dick pushed up against his pants. He inhales sharply and turns his head back to the tv. Why is he noticing stuff like that??? Well, Jensen noticed Jared noticing and how uncomfortable it made him. Strange, Jensen thinks, they constantly make dick jokes to each other and never get shy about it. He regards his friend closely who is hell bent on keeping his attention on the movie. Okay then, Jensen thinks, moving on. 

"Was that Sandy you were talking to earlier? How's she doing?"

"Yea," Jared mumbles, "same old same old. Didn't get that one job."

Jensen has had his doubts about his friends relationship for a while, but he will support Jared in whatever he wants, so he would never voice them unless he thought it was becoming harmful to his friend. It just seemed that Sandy never fully appreciated her situation. Jared's hot, he is man enough to admit it. Jensen glances over at him from the kitchen where he has gone to get the last 2 beers. With Jareds shirt off you can really see all the definition in his large frame. Dude used to be skinny, but he is so damn broad now. He's filled out more and more all year, and its almost like his muscles have muscles, if that makes sense? Jensen has had to actually work out more this year so he wouldn't be referred to as the pudgy one. And he HATES working out. He shakes his head as he cracks the bottles open. Jared doesnt seem to know what he is worth yet. Jensen, everyday, will remind him until he knows it. He should know it, he thinks, as he walks back into the living room handing his taller half his beer. They sit in silence for a while, letting Gordon Gecko take over their minds for a brief time.

 

 

After the movie ends, and they both have a perfectly pleasant buzz going on (the beer wasn't cutting it so they moved onto the makers),  they start talking and joking about their favorite movies of all time. Jared was talking about Resevoir Dogs when he notices Jensen's face contort sadly as he glanced back at the tv. Jared who stopped talking in his confusion glances at the screen and a huge smile splays across his face. It was Sarah McLachlan singing for the dog rescue society! Jared, who loves his dogs more than anything, and secretly loves how Jensen also loves his animals, cant help but burst out laughing. 

"What?!" Jensen exclaims, trying to focus on something else, though he fully knows he has gotten caught.

"Oh my God Jensen, the minute that song started playing, you practically cry! You're a sappy shit Ackles." Jared just keeps laughing, and Jensen glowers at him clearly trying to come up with a witty comeback without having any success. Jared loves that uncomfortable look Jensen has when he blushes. It makes his eyes look so green... and bright... and...and. Shit. Maybe its the alcohol, or what happened at work earlier, but Jared feels suddenly bold, and remembers a promise Jensen made on set. Without thinking at all as to why he would goad Jensen into keeping that promise, or the consequences of it, he goes for it. "Once again, your doing the little men of the world proud; continuing their legacy of being sensitive little darlings." 

The. Desired. Effect.

Jensen eyes him, mouth pursed together in an exaggerated frown, and eyebrows raised in annoyance. In that moment he looks like such a caricature of himself that the smile it puts on Jareds face is so wide and genuine it makes his cheeks burn. 

"Firstly, Sarah McLachlan's voice is that of an angel, and if you aren't moved by it you can get the hell out of America!" Jensen exclaim.

"She's Canadian... and were in Canada." Jared deadpans, and he bites his tongue hard trying desperately not to laugh at the look Jensen is giving him right now. 

"Why do you know that? You're such a nerd..." Jensen grumbles, and Jared is fully laughing now. 

Jensen elbows him in the ribs, which tickles, so Jared laughs harder. Jensen cant help but look at his friend, who looks so happy, and smile. He wants to see this from Jared all the time. Lately he sees Jared so stressed and anxious he looks pale, as if he will pass out any minute. It worries him. So if Jensen can make Jared laugh like this, even if it is at his own expense, its a small price to pay. 

A few minutes go by before Jared realizes his initial plan didn't work. That realization unfortunately causes him to think clearer on the fact that he was trying to get Jensen to show him his dick. He gulps and takes deep breath. Yup, that was exactly what he was trying to get him to do. Provoke him with the little man comment to get jensen to follow through on proving him wrong. Instead of listening to his head, which is telling him to further examine WHY he wants to see Jensens cock so badly, he listens to this burning sensation deep in his gut that tells him to ignore his mind and go for it again. Thank god he is still drunk. He glances over at his friend, who is now leaning back against the couch and flipping through the channels. Jared takes it as a sign when he ends on the skinmax channel that Jared definitely did NOT sign up for. 

"You have skinmax!?!?" Jensen exclaims facetiously, grinning at him in a mock amazement.

"You D- bag," Jared laughs, "when did you order that?"

"After I moved in. Things were getting a little lonely, and as much as I like to think I'm a lot like Dean, I do NOT go for the random hook up thing."

Jared grins at him. Jensen really hasn't gone for the hook up thing. Jareds heart starts to beat a little faster because he could not have been set up more perfect for this. So its now or never. 

"Well that's gotta be your little man syndrome right? Wanna eliminate as much humiliation from your life as possible?" 

Boom. 

Jensen looks straight at him, and Jared's heart rate picks up even more. Unbeknownst to Jared, Jensen's heart rate spikes too, because he was wondering if Jared had thought about that promise on set, and it seems he has. Jensen has never been one to back down from anything, and he is very proud of the package he was blessed with. Showing it to a guy? No problem for him either, even though he has never acted on it before. Showing it Jared? A little more complicated...... but fuck its really getting him going. 

"Alright Padalecki, you asked for it bitch," he grunts. His hand dips into his sweatpants and he reaches to his balls and starts playing with himself. His eyes close, and he listens the sounds from the movie on the tv. 

Jared isn't breathing. His eyes are frozen on what Jensen is doing in his pants, but he wont even turn his head all the way to get a better look. He goaded jensen into this, he knows that, he wanted to see it. He thought Jensen would just whip it out quick and then put it right back in. He wasn't expecting to watch Jensen jerk himself off, and he sure as fuck wasn't expecting to get so hot from it his own dick was starting to uncomfortably press up against the front of his jeans. A minute goes by and Jensen makes this noise that's so sinful it send shivers down Jareds spine.

Jensen had his eyes open at that point and saw his friend shake. "What's wrong?" He teases. "Dont wanna be proven wrong about my 'little man' syndrome," he smiles at Jared. His hand is fully wrapped around his cock now, still covered by his pants and slowly stroking it just enough to get it to full mast.

Jared eyed him cautiously, not knowing where the boundary is, or what line he should or shouldn't cross. This is Jensen! And he looks... god he looks so good doing that. So good. He's gotta try to get control of it somehow. "Didn't know you were planning on putting on a show," he starts. "Not sure I'm the audience you would prefer."

Jensen give him a devilishly confident smile, "Well I didn't think you would be convinced I was a grower AND a show-er, so I thought I'd skip to the good stuff."  

That still sounded like Jensen, Jared thought. He doesnt sound weirded out or different in any way. It emboldens Jared. He DOES want to see the good stuff. There's sweat on his brow just in the anticipation for it. The movie sounds are insanely ridiculous, and Jared giggles at the absurdity of it. "Well thank God you ordered this channel, or this night would have been devoid of this awesome soundtrack."

"Ha!" Jensen barks out a laugh and nods in agreement, but Jared sees something else in his face. Jensen is flushed, and his movements are becoming erratic. He throws his head back and the most perfect sounds pushes past Jensen's lips and goes straight to Jareds now leaking dick. His breath catches as Jensen stands up from the couch and turns to face Jared. The larger man cant help but stare up at him in wonder. 

"I ain't no small man Jared," Jensen smirks, and he slowly pushes his sweatpants down and they fall to his ankles. 

Jared was almost expecting this to be where he goes 'uh no homo bro'. Expecting this to be the time where he comes to his heterosexual senses and put an end to this. But he doesnt. Instead he just stares. It's unfair, so fucking unfair for Jensen to look the way he does. Jared knows how much Jensen hates to work out, but shit if it hasn't created a beautiful specimen for him to look at. Jensens broad and muscular shoulders and arms, his defined but not overly so abs, his hip bones, and... yea. Jared cant take his eyes off Jensen's cock. In fact, he has never looked at another cock aside from his own this long. It's just... perfect. It's long, and thick, and curves up slightly. The shape is like.. perfect porn star shaped. It's pink head leaking the clear pre cum that Jared suddenly has the urge to... whoa. Jared's breathing picks up and unknowingly starts licking his lips. 

"Nnng," Jensen moans as he watches Jareds tongue dance over his mouth. Well that was sexy, he thinks, and all of a sudden the motivation behind showing Jared his cock has changed. He is so turned on by the way Jared is staring at him right now... like he wants to worship his dick the rest of the night. He wraps his fist around the base and just holds himself there... waiting..

Jared looks up and sees Jensen staring at him, his head tilted to one side, eyes narrowed, with his lower jaw jutting forward and his lips parted. Fuck... FUCK. The fan girls got it right. Jensen is oozing, walking, talking sex. Oh my God, he thinks, someone's gotta say something.

"Yea.." he can barely make out as he clears his throat. "Yea, you're a... no little guy."

"What about you?" Jensen asks, surprising both himself and Jared. He keeps going though, they're already so far down the rabbit hole. "How big are you?" 

Jareds mouth hangs open a little wider. He THINKS that was Jensen asking to see his prick too, but he doesnt want to misinterpret, he doesnt want to mess this up. "I ain't no little man either," he mocks with a hint of that Texas drawl Jensen had used earlier. Jensen grins down at him, and tugs on his cock, which makes Jared's mouth water. 

"Well c'mon then boy," Jensen starts, "lets put this guessing to an end, lets see who's more hung."

Jared laughs, and stands up hesitantly, he looks to Jensen as he starts unzipping his pants, but he stops. Suddenly he is nervous. Jensen picks up that signal and encourages him along. "Dont leave me hanging... literally," he jokes. That puts Jared at ease, knowing that nothing is getting so serious they still cant be themselves. He pushes his jeans down with his boxers and immediately grabs at his cock to cover as much of it as he can with his hand. His face turns a deep red, but he isn't backing down either, because the look on Jensen's face as he looks at Jared's cock is enough to make the precum start dripping down the underside of his dick. He is getting off on the fact that its his dick that's making Jensen look like .... that. 

"Yea man," Jensen quietly says with a small smile on his face. "You're not a little guy. But i still cant tell who is bigger, and I really need to know." With that Jensen walks up to Jared so he is a mere inches away, Jared has stopped breathing, but cant stop tugging on himself even though he is terrified he could come at any moment. "You'll let me get my answer right?" Jensen asks. The tone of his voice is so deep, so authoritative, that Jared's knees go a little weak. He just nods his head dumbly, wanting whatever Jensen is about to do. 

Jensen reaches out and grabs Jareds dick, their eyes never leaving one another's. Jensen pulls Jared by the dick towards him, and as Jared scuffles forward he lets out a sound resembling a whimper, and is shocked he hasn't come all over Jensen;s fist by now. Jensens hand on his dick feels so good. His hand is so big and wraps around so much of it, and he pulled him forward so gently, like he knew exactly what he was doing. Jared wants so much damn more...

Jensen brings his dick right next to Jareds and touches them together. "Oh my God Jensen.." Jared whispers. He cant help it. 

"Mm," jensen moans, his eyes close for the briefest of moments, "You got a pretty dick," he says. "Bigger than mine. What 9?"

"Ye-yea," Jared stutters.

"But I'm thicker," Jensen decides, and with that he reaches to take Jareds hand and he wraps it around his cock. "Feel how thick it is?" 

Jared cant breath, he is practically panting with want. He takes his hand and feels the girth of Jensen. "Yea," he whispers again. "You're definitely thicker." 

The lock eyes with each other. Jensen smiles and backs away slowly, leaving Jared standing there flushed and aching. "Now we know," he growls. "No more little man jokes right?"

Jared smiles as he slowly comes back to his senses, "No more little man jokes," he agrees. 

They're both staring again. Jensen with a dark smile on his face, and Jared with a look of happy disbelief.

"Dude, you better take care of that," Jensen teases, "I got you all hot and bothered." He bends down to pull up his pants and Jared does the same. 

"That was the movie yah conceited jerk," Jared jokes, happy to sounds so normal with his friend, while still disbelieving what just happened actually happened, and how much he loved every second of it. He can still feel the weight of Jensen in his hand.. Before he can think back on it too much, Jensen has smacked him across the face with yet another pillow. 

"We should sleep yea?" Jensen asks. "We have reshoots scheduled early." 

Its such a normal conversation, and Jared knows that Jensen is doing that purposely. Giving Jared permission to relax and know that nothing is gonna change between them. That they're still them. Jared releases a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Yea, yea goodnight."

"Night Jare."

And with that they headed to their separate rooms.

Ten minutes later, Jareds cleaning His come from his stomach, and he can hear jensen in his bathroom scream out 'Fuck!' All he knows is that he really, really, really hopes Jensen was thinking about him when he came. The same way Jared was thinking about him....

^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^

 

 


	4. Redefine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not as if it was planned...

Jared's ceiling has absolutely nothing interesting on it. It is a plain white ceiling. That's it. Yet he cant stop staring at it. Jared woke up this morning and felt _happy._ ~~~~ ~~~~Like out of a sappy movie happy. Smile on his face and everything. He rolled over to lay on his back, hands behind his head, and has been staring at his ceiling now for about 45 minutes. It's the perfect blank screen that he can replay his memories of last night upon.

Last night.

He closes his eyes lazily and takes a deep breath, filling his lungs as much as he can before he slowly exhales, relaxing into his mattress like butter melts on toast. He opens his eyes and a smile tugs at his lips. There is a voice in his head screaming at him, 'YOU LET A GUY TOUCH YOU..... AND YOU TOUCHED HIM!' He doesn't listen to it. Whereas he is very aware he let another man touch him that way, his head seems to be focused on the 'man' part, where Jared's heart is focused on the 'Jensen" part.

His relationship with Jensen has always had an intensity factor that was obvious to everyone who came into contact with them. It started easily enough. They were both young guys, getting a huge break with their own show. Jared had heard of Jensen, and immediately was drawn in by his quiet confidence that never EVER gave off an air of cockiness. Jensen was talented in a way that surprised Jared. He took on complex characterizations with such an ease, and never backed away from the emotional aspect of Dean's personality. Jared was feeling so inexperienced and unworthy of such a big role. Everywhere he saw people whose jobs depended on him doing his well, and he was terrified he wasn't up to it. 

One shoot, a while back, Jared and Jensen had almost come to blows. It was sheer exhaustion mixed with paralyzing feelings of inadequacy. When Jensen found him crying, Jared was sure he would quit then and there. Instead, he nodded his head as if he understood exactly what Jared was feeling. He surprised the taller man by wrapping him up in a huge hug. That hug lasted what to many people would have felt was an awkwardly long amount of time. Jared needed that though, and Jensen wast going to let him go until Jared was ready. Jensen had told him that night that it was the two of them together from there on out; that they would be a team through all of this, and that Jensen would be there for Jared anytime, anywhere. No one had ever gone out of their way for Jared like that before, and for some reason he trusted it completely.

Since then, they were inseparable. Jensen took care of Jared; protected him. Jared helped Jensen embrace the random silliness that got them through the tough days, and helped him tap into the free spirit Jensen always had, but had long ago buried away. 

Sandy had always joked that Jensen looked better on Jareds arm than she did, and while Jared always laughed it off, even he had to admit he felt a certain pride swell in his chest when they did events with each other and people stared at him with such envy because he got to be with Jensen. It was almost unreal that Jared didn't notice how Jensen reacted the same way.

Everywhere they went together Jensen tried to show Jared off. He so badly wanted Jared to see the effect he had on people. Jared could light up a room just by walking into it with a smile on his big, beautiful, goofy face. That innocence he had? No one had that in this industry now-a-days. Jensen didn't want Jared to lose it, so he took his job as his best friend very seriously; constantly trying to help Jared see how special and talented he was, and making sure no one else made him ever feel anything else. Obviously he couldn't prevent the negative from entering Jareds life ALL the time, but when he couldn't stop it he was there to help Jared deal with it. He had dated someone off and on during the beginning of the show, and she always brought up the relationship between the two men, seemingly threatened by the time the two spent together. Jensen ended that pretty quickly. What did she want? Him to put her in front of Jared? Wasn't gonna happen. Jensen didn't seem to understand what was so remarkable about that, but he did recognize that his friendship with Jared was on high end of the special curve. 

That's where they are now. Two men, laying in their separate beds, thinking about the lines they crossed the night before, and how they dont regret a single moment of it. There was no need to put pressure on the situation. Neither of them had forgotten about Sandy, and neither of them were trying to come out of some big metaphorical closet. All they knew was that they enjoyed whatever it was that they had, and were just going to keep going with the flow of whatever happened. 

A few minutes later, and Jensen hears Jared's shower running. Time to get it and start the day. Re shoots today, one day off, and a whole 'nother week of shooting the day after that. Jensen slowly leaves his bed, throws on a t-shirt, and heads to the kitchen to start the coffee and make bagels. He searches the fridge and sees that Jared, instead of buying regular person cream cheese, has bought some vegan vegetable spread...... not cool. Ugh, Jensen thinks to himself, is there no combination of health and taste!?!?! 

The coffee is ready and Jensen has the mugs out and cooling. He is begrudgingly spreading this pale brown paste on the bagels when Jared walks in, hair still wet, and a small almost nervous smile on his face. When he sees Jensen has discovered the veggie spread and doesnt seem happy about it, the small smile disappears and is replaced by a thouroughly amused grin. 

"What," he asks tauntingly. "Can't handle a little veggie in your life?"

Jensen lifts the plate up and dramatically shows it to Jared. "It's brown Jare, brown. You've ruined my morning."

Jared laughs both at the ridiculousness of Jensen's attitude towards food, and at the relief he feels that this feels like any other morning. This is good. 

Jared looks at his phone, "Jen were late, grab the to go mugs,' he says and runs to his room to get his coat. When he comes back he sees Jensen trying to get the mugs from the back of the cabinet that's above the fridge. Jared forgot he put them there, and even he had a hard time reaching back to get'em there. He walks over just as Jensen hops onto the nearby counter to get the height he needs to reach them. When he sees Jared approaching he hops back down quickly with the tumblr's and stares right at Jared intensely. Jared chuckles under his breath, while jensen pours their coffee and heads to the door.

"Got something to say to me Sasquatch?" Jensen asks, practically daring Jared to go there again.

Jared's smile is electric, contagious. Something's changed between them, but at the same time nothings changed between them. It feels... good. He regards Jensen's comment carefully while playfully shaking his head no before he comes up with the perfect response. 

"No sir, nothing to say here." 

Jensen' breath catches at that, but he smiles back at Jared, eyes gleaming. 

"Good boy," he says, and walks out the door. 

Jared takes a moment to recover from the shivers going down his spine before he can follow. 

 

^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^

 

The reshoots went by easily enough for Jensen. Neither of them had any scenes together that needed to be redone, thank God. Jensen would have lost his shit if he had to redo that stabbing scene. All he had to do was reshoot a small scene with Jim. Jared wasn't so lucky. They apparently needed to redo his dialogue scene with Aldis, which meant he needed to stay until it was dark so they could keep the continuity. 

"I hate you so much right now," Jared growled at Jensen. "Not even a word outta you about getting to go home early, or I'm gonna kick your ass."

Jensen was getting all of his shit together so he could get the hell out of there, and looked at Jared mock disapprovingly. "First of all, I'd like to see you try," he begins while throwing things into his car. "Second of all, my ass is far too pretty to kick," Jared makes some exaggerated retching noise at that, "And thirdly, you just get to lay on some damn bed for the better half of the next episode so you can suck it." Jared nods, seeing the logic of that last statement. 

"True," he says.

"Yea," Jensen smiles, "true."

Jensen's phone goes off and he looks down to see a text from Chad. "Hey, Chads still in town until tomorrow night. You and Aldis wanna meet up with us at The Depot after you guys are done here?" Chad is the guy who plays Ash on the show. He has just been killed off, and the boys are sorry for it, because he was one of their fav guest stars. 

"Ah that's awesome, I thought he was already outta here!" Jared exclaims, and Jensen smiles at his excitement. "Definitely man, that sounds good. Aldis was saying he wanted to meet up at some time this weekend, so lets call it a plan."

"Alright, a plan it is. I'm gonna head home and shower. Text me when you guys are on your way, but we will probably get there bout 10 or so?" 

"Good deal, see yah later."

^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^

 

"You're shows gonna tank now that I'm dead," Chad immediately starts in, once they grabbed the booth in the back corner. "You and Jared are fine, whatever, but who are the fans going to have to fantasize about now?" He asks, perfectly serious as he peruses the drink menu. Jensen laughs under his breath. Truth is he did hold out hope that the showrunners would change their mind about Ash's character. 

"Hey I'm with you my friend," Jensen replies. "But its a show about the supernatural, so who knows? Maybe yah wont stay dead?" 

"Yea, yea that would be nice," Chad replies. "Excuse me!" He shouts to the waitress at the next table. "4 shots of makers please?" She nods politely, throwing a cautious smile towards Jensen. He smiles back kindly to her, and her cheeks blaze. Chad notices the exchange and fake stabs himself in the heart. "Why God, why!", he exclaims dramatically. "Why didn't you curse us all with rugged man beauty!"

Jensen just smiles as he listens to his comrade further complain about life's great inequities. His phone goes off and he sees that the last half to their group are about 10 minutes out. "Alright alright, I get it! God's a cruel son of a bitch," he interrupts his still ranting friend. "Boys are on their way."

Chad laughs at that and when their shots get to the table he pushes two of them towards Jensen. "Well those two mountain men can order their own drinks when they get here," he says, holding up the remaining two shot glasses. "Bottoms up!" With that he shoots back both at the same time and immediately starts hissing like a snake from the burn they cause going down. 

"Yah pansy!" Jensen shouts. "Take your whiskey like a man!" He holds up his share of the shots and throws them back smoothly, licking his lips when all is said and done. 

"Fuck you," Chad deadpans, and Jensen snorts in amusement. 

"Who's fucking who now?" Jared says smacking his two friends on the shoulders. He doesnt notice what others notice right away; when Jensen saw his friend in front of him, his eyes lit up, his smile widened, and he sat up and leans closer to where Jared was. 

"Hey man!" Jensen says softly, "Here, come sit here." He scoots over in the booth to make room for his giant friend, and Aldis scoots in by Chad. 

The four of them start talking, and the shots keep coming. Aldis, Jensen decides, isn't such a bad guy, despite being the one who kills Sam. He has so many projects lined up that Chad starts moaning about being the only one truly unemployed and starts knocking back bourbons at light speed. Jared, despite being exhausted from the work load he had today, is his normal excitable bouncy self, constantly cracking ridiculous jokes that are only funny because he is the one who says them. When he gets up to use the bathroom he knocks into a waitress carrying food, causing the tray to fall all over her shoes. 

'Ugh.. oh my god, I'm.. I'm so sorry!" Jared immediately bends down to help her clean up the mess. When he stands again, he stares at his friend who has tears streaming down his cheeks with his normally breathtaking face contorted with laughter. "Shut up, jerk."

"Uhhh," Jensen moans trying to contain himself. "Kudos man, you didn't spill it on yourself this time," he teases.

Jared throws his hands up in the air in resignation and heads to the restroom. Jensen cant help but notice the waitress that Jared bumped into stares at him the whole way.  His reaction is less than pleased. Instead of trying to understand why that is, he rolls with it. He is fully coming to accept that when it comes to Jared, normal rules just dont seem to apply. 

Turns out that waitress felt she had some unfinished business. When Jared comes back she walks over with 2 shots. 

"So I figure I'm owed a shot with yah since ya know... you cost me my tip at table 3 for making them wait longer for the food you made me spill," she says seductively, leaning into the table with a little side smile forming on her red painted lips. 

Jensen wrinkles his nose. Well.... that's bold. He narrows his eyes at her, and Chad cant help but snicker under his breath watching the obvious display of displeasure coming from him. "Easy boy," Chad whispers. Jensen gives him a look of death. 

"Oh, uh sure! I'm really sorry about that. Ill cover the tip," Jared says, and Jensen thinks he is being too nice. 

"Cheers," says the girl, holding up the shot.

"Cheers," Jared echoes, clinking the glasses together and shooting it back. 

They smile at each other, "I'm Kerry," she starts.

Nope. Jensen decides to pipe up now. He holds up his phone, acting as though someone is calling. "Uh-oh Jare,  have you heard from Sandy lately?? This is the second time she's called me dude." He thinks that was smooth enough, but when he sees Aldis shaking his head at him while mouthing 'cock blocker', he changes his mind. Okay... not smooth.  

Jared starts smiling apologetically towards the girl, "Sorry, i should probably take that," he says and he takes the phone from Jensen as she walks away shooting Jensen an annoyed glance before she goes, all the while still watching Jared.

"You fucking jackass," Jared whispers. "Now I have to have a fake conversation into a phone," he murmurs while he holds Jensen's phone up to his ear. "Hey sandy," he says loudly and exaggeratedly while giving Jensen the most ridiculous fake smile ever. 

Chad cracks up as Aldis  smiles broadly and goes to the bar to get more drinks. Jensen just shrugs his shoulders completely unapologetic. "She's not your type. She wasn't good enough, AND you're taken."

Jared just laughs. "Not good enough?  What are your requirements?"

Jensen looks at his friend, and the buzz he has makes him feel invincible. Thank god for alcohol, he thinks. It's made him make some awesome choices lately. "Well," he starts, "for one thing she was as skinny as a twig. You need someone strong yah know," he states, and watches as a sense of realization washes over Jareds face. He knows Jensen isn't just talking right now. "Someone who can keep up with yah. Go round after round," he continues. "She seemed kinda selfish too, too cocky, which is not a good thing. The type of person who only cares about getting herself off, not about what she could and should be doing to you. But hey man, if you wanna be a breathing dildo, that's your call."

"Ill be her breathing dildo," Chad says matter of factly. "I have absolutely no problem with that."

That last comment eased the tension of the conversation and everyone laughs, but Jareds ears and neck are tinged pink, and his eyes are wide. Jensen knows the effect he is having, and he'll be damned if he is gonna stop now. 

"Nah c'mon man! Wouldn't you need someone who is gonna take their time with you. Hit every inch of yah, put you and your needs first." Jensen is growling for effect and using big mannerisms that make his true intentions with this conversation even more murky to anyone besides his roommate. He sees Jared isn't even able to make eye contact with him now, and he isn't sure when he took his last breath. Mission accomplished. Then, to make sure his point is being made, he throws in, "For fucks sake! Jared you especially. Dont settle. You're Sam fucking Winchester!" 

Everyone laughs now, except Jared who just smiles at the rest of his friends hoping they dont notice the raging hard on he has. 

"Well, fuck now I'm wasted and horny. Time to pack it in," says Chad and Aldis retorts, "Man, you always seem horny." "Very true..." replies Chad. "Still... gotta get outta here before i start hitting on a lamp post or something. Pack it in!"

"Yea," says Jensen staring right at Jared now. "Time to get home dont you think?" 

Jared can barely make eye contact. The implications of what could go on at home have him frozen in his seat. Jensen licks his lips, and Jared has to bite his tongue to keep from groaning. "Yea," he breathes. "Yea man, lets go," he tried to sound normal, but his voice sounded an octave or two too high. Ugh, oh well.... 

The two of them grab a cab and its silent the entire way home.....  

^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_

 

The door slams, and Jared turns to see Jensen. He truly believes he might pass out. His heart almost hurts with how hard its pounding. His fingers feel tingly, and he has these unbelievably strong urges to touch this man all over. To feel and do all of these things he has never done before; never even thought of doing before. But jensen.. he defies all heterosexual logic. Seeing him now, eyes the very definition of intense, lips wet and parted, chin down, and nostrils flaring- it makes Jared want him so deeply it almost brings him to his knees. He needs Jensen to do something... needs him to take the lead, say something....

"Take off your clothes," Jensen says- voice strong and unwavering.

Fuck, thinks Jared. Fuck fuck fuck... he can barely move. Jensen slowly walks over, as if he doesnt want to scare Jared away. "You okay," he asks, just inches in front of him now. Jared just nods and offers a small smile, trying to catch his breath. Jensen smiles at him, and looks him up and down. A certain protective wave washes over him and he knows how to do this tonight, how to ease Jared into this, as long as he wants this. 

Jensen steps back and starts undressing himself. Shaking his coat off of his shoulders, he throws it to the kitchen table to the left of him. He looks at Jared, trying to see if this is still okay. Jareds eyes are roaming over the entirety of Jensen's body, but there is no fear in his eyes anymore, just complete overwhelming lust. Thats all Jensen needs. He pulls the hem line of his shirt up slowly, revealing his abs, chest, and then pulls it over his head uncovering his broad shoulders and defined arms that Jared has always admired. He presses his lips together in a fine line, brow creased, and lowers his head while his eyes gaze upwards at Jared. 

"You're.. uh," Jared licks his lips and swallows the saliva building up in his mouth. "You're kinda beautiful," he whispers, and his hand reaches up and rubs behind his neck and a shy smile splays across his face.Jensen lets the warmth of those words penetrate his skin and spread throughout his body. Beautiful. It wasn't said to be sexy or get things going. It was just so.... Jared. It's who Jared is, to say something pure and honest without a hint of pretense. Aside from the growing heat he feels in his groin, he now feels a similar ache deep in his chest. After hearing Jared say that, Jensen wants to protect those innocent parts of Jared. He doesnt want to taint them, change him. 

Jensen continues to undress, slowly pulling down his jeans and boxers until he is standing there totally exposed in front of Jared. He is so hard and his hand goes to his cock and brushes the tips of his fingers over the dripping head. His head falls back as he repeats the action a few more times, every nerve in his body on fire with want because he knows Jared is watching him. He hears shuffling and when he looks back up Jared is clumsily getting rid of all of his clothes as well. Jensen cant help but smile when he sees his friend practically trip over himself trying to remove his pants.

"I want you to know," Jensen rattles, "you dont have to do anything. I'm so far gone for this right now, there's no hope for me stopping." At that moment, Jared stands and shows all of himself, and how much he also wants this, to Jensen. "Oh god.." jensen whispers. Jared has the most amazing body, and his dick- which has been on Jensens mind all day- is so impresssive that Jensen has to catch all the extra precum it causes before it drips to the floor. "Jared," he breathes out, "sit down."

Jared listens immediately, all but too happy to follow any command this man in front of him can give. In this moment he is throwing out every pre conceived notion he had about himself. Straight? Fuck it. Because no completely straight man would want to suck Jensen's dick into his mouth so badly. No totally straight dude would want to taste another mans cum so intensely, or feel the weight of another guys balls on his tongue so crazily. He wants Jensen to guide him, to hold his hair and move him back and forth on his dick, directing him in what makes him scream out. Only Jensen... just Jensen. "Ugh," the image of that makes him moan out loud and he starts jacking his dick out of pure necessity. He cant hold back anymore. 

"Nnngg, what are you thinking about?" Jensen asks, as he sits across from Jared on the couch slowly tugging on himself.

"You... ugh, you fucking bastard. I'm thinking bout you." Jared replies, and is rewarded with a soft laugh from the other man. "I keep picturing shit man," he continues. "Keep thinking about all of these things I want- ah!- you to do.." he trails off and cups his other hand under his balls and rolls them back on forth tugging them down to the point of pain. Pain and pleasure always mix well together in Jareds life. He peeks up at Jensen and feels a sense of power he didn't know he had. Jensen looks so sinfully fucked out, and its because of Jared. It gives him such confidence that he slides further down on the couch and spreads his legs wide open, making sure Jensen can see everything; absolutely everything that Jared has to offer. Jensen has to squeeze the base of his dick to stop from coming then and there. 

"Fuck Jay," he growls out, "keep doing that, look so pretty, jacking off your dick," he drawls out slowly, softly. "I wanna taste that.." he says practically echoing Jareds own thoughts from earlier.

"Oh my god... yea?" Jared grunts out, his fist moving faster and harder up and down his long shaft, twisting at the top and squeezing out all the slick he needs for his hand to slide easily. He looks Jen straight in the eyes now, "I wanna taste you too Jen," he moans, "oh fuck.. i wanna taste you ssso bad." 

Jensen gets down on the floor in between Jareds knees in record time, his left hand digging into Jared's thigh, his right hand still working over his shaft. "Yea? You want that? Fuck, Jay... I want that too. I wanna see your pretty mouth wrapped around my cock..... wanna see my come all over your face.. " That causes Jared to groan and let out every expletive known to man, but Jensen cant stop talking, "and then, fuck baby, I'd wanna see your tongue lick up every bit of it you can reach... ugh shit.." 

Jared is about to get down on the floor with him, images of Jensen's dick shooting all over his face almost too much for him to handle, but Jensen stops him, taking his hand and pushing Jared in the chest back down onto the couch.

"Wha?? Ugh, c'mon man, please. Please Jen, you cant say that... you cant.. and then not let me," he trails off. He is so far gone now, he's gonna come any second...

"Not gonna let you do anything like that tonight baby boy, gotta make sure, fuck, gotta make sure you're gonna be okay. Never, never fucking ever, want to be something you regret." Jensen starts, "But I'm a selfish prick man, and I gotta see it... please Jay i gotta see you come. Wanna see that pretty dick shoot all over yourself..."

That's all it took.. Jared cries out as rope upon rope of thick white come coats his stomach, chest, and even on his cheek. "Oh my god... Jense... oh my god hearing you say that.. had to.. had to come." Jared throws his head back desperate to catch his breath when he feels the couch sink next to him. He looks up and Jensen is on his knees, facing him, and rapidly jacking his dick with his eyes glues shut. He is so close and Jared could just reach out and touch him, but he doesnt. He just stares at this perfect display in front of him. 

"Mmmnn..... say that again Jay.. " Jensen grunts out. "Fuck please say that again..."

Jareds breathing picks up again, "Couldn't not do it, couldn't not come. Hearing you say you wanted my mouth on you.. wanted to watch me jizz..fuck Jen, you made me come so hard..."

"Ahh....oh shit," and then its Jensen who is coming. All. Over. Jared. Jared watches completely blissed out as Jensen's come mixes with his own, covering the entire middle part of his chest. He moans as he throws his head back, and his dick twitches back to life, which is something he thought would be impossible to do until this very moment. Jensen collapses down into the spot next to him, resting his head back on the cushion the same way Jared is. The both loll their heads towards the other, and the smiles they exchange show pure unadulterated joy. Jareds smile only widens when he watches Jensen rub his hands over his face and tug back on his short hair, a habit of his when he is overly excited.  Jared fully understands. That might have been the best thing he has ever done in his life. 

Jensen sits up and eyes Jared carefully. Jared doesnt have the brain power after what just happened to wonder why, so he just studies the beauty of the man in front of him, thinking that God really outdid himself when he thought up Jensen Ackles. 

"Whatddya think man? Showers and then talk?"

Jared is so blown out he isn't sure he can talk about anything. But he does know that he just isn't ready for his night with Jensen to be over yet, so he offers him a weak nod and an assured smile. 

Jensen gets very close to him then, eyeing his face, Jared not sure why. "Good," jensen starts, and then he leans in close to Jareds cheek, sticks out his tongue, and licks jareds come from his face. Jareds breath is immediately snatched from his body. He forgot it was there and Jensen just... holy fuck... Jared just stares in wide eyed amazement as Jensen stands up and moves back luxuriously licking his lips. 

"I dont think I'd ever not want that," he says, and then smiles and wags his eyebrows at Jared, who is still frozen in his desire, and walks naked into his room and starts his shower.

After a few minutes Jared couldn't wipe the smile off his face if his life depended on it. Now he just needs to take care of the ridiculous hard on Jensen left him with.... or find a way to get Jensen to take care of it for him....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long ass chapter :) hope you all enjoyed. Can't begin to tell yah how happy this fic is making me. Endless ideas. Lemme know whatcha think


	5. Armor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience with me! I am not one to post a chapter I dont fully believe in, so I hope this was worth the wait! As always, for my insecure self, i love reading your comments and thoughts! Don't hold back, I may not be the most confident, but I can take criticism

Jared didn't want to get up. There was this sense of complete calm that had washed over him, like a gentle wave while laying in the water under the warm sun. His eyes barely open and his breathing slow and even, a small smile crept onto his face as he reveled in this moment of peace. It was inexplicable, how after the completely out of character actions he partook in these past couple of days have left him this serene. Jared was always one to question everything he did; he was always so concerned that anything he did would have negative consequences not only for himself but others. This, though? The most drastic thing he could have done? He felt so oddly fulfilled. 

He looked down, and noticed his fingers sliding through the evidence that was left on his chest. His smile widened and his heart skipped a beat at the excitement he felt as he mixed his release with Jensen's over his body. His cock was still mostly hard, but he didn't have the urge to rectify it; he wanted to continue to feel it, not make it go away. He rested his head back and closed his lazy eyes while recalling every moment of the night. Jensen's body- it was so perfect- such wide and strong shoulders and arms, his solid chest. His legs were so bowed and Jared had always teased him for it, but tonight he realized how perfect even those were. His ass. Jared couldn't help bringing his hand to his forehead and laughing to himself. Yup, he was sitting on the couch, rubbing his buddies cum into his stomach, and salivating at the thought of Jensen's ass as he had walked away to take his shower. It was a strange and new reality indeed.

He heard the water turn off down the hall, and he quickly roused himself to the kitchen to clean himself up. He threw his pants back on and sat back down on the couch, waiting for Jensen to join him. A small moment of panic interrupted his contentment, as he wasn't sure what he wanted to say, and the panic intensified as he realized he didn't know what Jensen was going to say. Jensen hadn't seemed at all rattled by what had happened between them, but there really hasn't been any time to digest it either. They'd been riding the high of the excitement of it all.... and off course they were getting off on it too, which of course casts a hazy cloud over any rationale or logic. Ughhh, a small ache started to form in Jareds chest as anxiety rushed in. Please, he thought to himself, please let this not be ruined. 

_______________________________________________

Jensen came out of his room and walked down the hall to where his friend was waiting on him. He took a deep breath as Jared came into view. Jensen knew that the secrets he had been guarding fiercely, could no longer be kept. The respect and care he had for his gigantic friend was too great, too important. Still, it would be undeniably difficult to let the words spill through his lips. He knew Jared would understand, in fact, he knew almost immediately after meeting Jared that he was someone special, someone to be trusted. Jensen just wasn't ready, but he was going to have to be in 3,2,1......

"Hey there, " he smiled as he sat down on the opposite side of his friend. He had hoped his voice would sound more assured, but it was noticeably weak. Damn it, he chastised himself, because he immendiately saw the effect it had on Jared. His eyes, if only for a moment, widened nervously as his smile faltered. Jensen had to pul it together, because he had promised himself he would NOT let Jared suffer for any of this. He sat up, and smiled as he looked into the puppy dog eyes in front of him, "What man? Couldn't find a shirt? D'ya have a secret dream of being a Calvin Klein model or something?" 

Ah. Relief. Jared laughed, "They wish they had these pecs plastered all over their billboards," he joked while dramatically flipping his hair out of his eyes and puffing his chest up. "They'd be millionaires."

"They're already millionaires yah idgit," Jensen laughed and leaned back relaxed against the arm of the couch. The ice had been broken, he could do this. Or at least he thought he could, but looking at Jared now caused something to well up inside of Jensen that momentarily took him off guard. He knew he had felt a strong attraction to Jared, something he would own up to tonight, and he had always loved Jared in the way he thought Jared had wanted: platonically. In that moment however, the affection he allowed himself to feel for Jared wasn't platonic, but it wasn't straight sexual either. Shit.... god damn it. He shook his head as he rubbed his eyes, he was in deep and he fucking knew it. When he looked up again Jared had a look of concern on his face, and Jensen couldn't let that go on any longer. Show time.

"Listen man," he started slowly, "I really need you to know how much I liked all of that." He felt his cheeks redden, but the smile on Jared's face emboldened him to go further. "Like really fucking liked it," he laughed. "I haven't cum that hard in a long, LONGGGGGGG ass time." 

Jared started laughing, "Yea well normally I just hear you moaning or grunting in the shower, but it's never been quite as animated as you were just now."

"What the fuck, pervball!!" Jensen threw a pillow at him, "What are you listening to me in the shower for? And for your information I dont grunt! Plus it was probably just my reacting to having to move my poor sore muscles since I'm the one constantly getting thrown around on set yah jackass!"

Jared couldn't help laughing at his friends Texan drawl that only ever comes out when he is drunk, pissed, or flustered. It was true though, Jared can remember many a night where he heard Jensen working himself over. "My bedroom wall is shared with your bathroom yah fucker! Of course I hear you in there!"

They both continued jabbing at each other, and the immense relief both felt at the normality of it was palpable. Jared realized he hadn't really said anything relevant yet, "Ya know, I liked it too right?" He smiled as Jensen's eyes dropped to the ground and a small smirk appeared on his face. "I've, uh, never done anything like that before, but you... geez man, you got me pretty into it," he laughed. "I know you know Ive always admired guys who were fit and shit, but I've never admired it so... uhh.." he trailed off as he looked for the word he needed. 

"So sexually?" Jensen finished the thought for him, and Jared laughed.

"Yup, yup," he nodded, "sexually would definitely be the word right?" 

"Yea, well I guess it was bound to happen. I mean with how you were always staring at me.... or LISTENING TO ME IN THE SHOWER," Jensen added dramatically, "Perv."

"Oh whatever dude!!!! Now that this has all happened I'm starting to feel like you WANTED me to be listening to you! Seriously you are loud! Getting off on me being on the other side of the wall eh?" 

"HA! You wish." Jensen barked feigning that he had taken offense to Jared's claims. The joking had died down in the next few moments, and the silence was thick. Jensen couldn't help but let his eyes gaze over Jared's naked chest. It was so defined, like he could....

"Why did you stop me Jen?" Jared interrupted Jensen's thoughts, "You wouldn't let me touch you. Didn't want me regret it. Did.. did you regret it? Cuz dude... this doesnt have to ever go any further, I wouldn't mind," Jared lied. "Just... I just dont think I'd have regretted it." Jared started to become alarmed when Jensen didn't interject or respond. The doubt crept in as he watched his friends brow crease downward into deep thought. Maybe Jared had this wrong. He was the one who kept teasing Jensen. Fucking shit... did he... did he push Jensen into this? "I'm sorry man," Jared could barely whisper. 

"No man, hey," Jensen started softly as he shifted closer to his friend. he put his hand on Jared's knee, and immediately started an internal war with himself because just touching Jared was getting him going again, and it was so not the time. "Jared, God man I dont regret that at all. AT ALL," he repeated firmly and was rewarded with the visible loss of tension in Jareds shoulders. "Hell, I want to do it again.. like right fucking now actually..."

"And you say I'm the pervball.." Jared interrupts with a smug smirk across his handsome face.

"Silence!" Jensen mock scolds, "C'mon dude! Lemme finish here!" Jared throws his arms up in resignation, resets himself in a more comfortable position on the couch, and motions for Jensen to continue. 

"Okay listen," Jensen restarts, "I was on a show a long time ago, and a lot of rumors started about me. It wasn't... ugh," Jensen didn't know how to form the sentences that he needed to make this all make sense. He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head slightly from side to side. This time he felt Jared's large hand hold on to his knee, and when he looked at his friend the confidence he got from the shy smile that was on his face helped him to continue. " I have never done anything with another man before right now... here with you," he said while looking into Jared's eyes. "Ive never really wanted to. but when I was on this other show, people noticed some things about me that I hadn't really noticed about myself. I never really was close to any of the female cast mates. But there was a male cast mate that I hung around a lot. I admired everything about this guy, and I wanted to spend my time with him. I didn't see what was so exceptional about that. I was young and really shy and lonely. I felt close to him. Back then though, people were quick to judge and quick to spread rumors. The story was I was gay, and that I had it bad for my co star. I didn't understand the power of a rumor until then. The job really fell apart, and my friend... well he was apparently struggling with feelings he had for me. He decided to cut me out completely. He didn't want his career affected or whatever. I came to realize that even though I had always preferred women, I didn't find anything wrong with the fact that I did find this guy attractive, even though I didn't have a desire to act on it. But... how i grew up? I didn't know- I couldn't understand or define those feelings before. I was so ignorant to it. It caused a lot of confusion. And worse, that rumor followed me. I lost a few jobs because of it, and worse, I got a few jobs because if it. I hated that before I even had a chance to really grow into who I was, others had decided on it for me. It was a really bad time, people.... they assumed certain things about me, and it led to a lot of.."  Jensen took a deep breath trying to gather the courage to go on. This wasn't a pleasant time in his life, and was one of the reasons he was so fiercely private. 

"Well, anyway, life goes on. Through the years that followed I hadn't met another guy that I felt anything for, so maybe it was just some random phase? I still ran into these people though, that had heard certain things about me. It messed with me."

Jared just stared at his best friend. He had always loved Jensen's need for privacy, and thought it was endearing how protective he was towards him. Now, however, he was starting to understand the reason for it, and it made his heart hurt. He knew there were things Jensen wasn't saying, and Jared would not push him to say them. The picture had already formed in his head, and Jared immediately felt an extreme hatred towards these people who had any part in making Jensen's life painful in any way. 

"When i first met you I thought I was fucked. After all that time not sure about anything, I saw you and things became pretty clear where I stood on things," Jensen laughed. "You're a good looking guy yah know?" Jared nodded arrogantly and laughed when Jensen rolled his eyes. "Ugh... seriously though, you really are. And then we just got along so well, like so fucking well, and I started to get hopeful because you are also such a fucking flirt."

"What??!! I am not a flirt!"

"Ha, Jared you are the BIGGEST flirt I have ever met in my entire life.... and we're ACTORS," Jensen laughed. "It helped though. When I knew that being a flirt was just part of your bubbly and happy self, it forced me to realize that you didn't view me that way, and that we had amazin thing that I didnt want to ruin. So i turned it off. I totally turned it off and closed it off. There really hadn't been any other guy that interested me so I dated girls, and you dated girls. I had myself totally convinced that I was headed in the right direction until 2 days ago. Because two days ago it felt like you were flirting with me for real. You were staring at me for real. You were trying to get me to act for real. Right?"

Jared swallowed slowly, "Right," he breathed out. 

 "Right," Jensen whispered, his eyes were intently looking into Jared's. "I couldn't hold it back. I really wanted to do this. I really wanted.... needed... to touch you."

"But you didn't... you didn't touch me Jen. Well, maybe for like 5 seconds."

"The fact that i was able to let go is kinda shocking," Jensen chuckled. "Everything running through my mind definitely involved me continuing to touch you. Remember this is all pretty new to me too dude. But you get why I couldn't right?"

"You didn't want me going through what you went through. Didn't wanna pressure me into something you thought I'd regret."

"Exactly. You have your whole career in front of you. We have no clue how long this show will last. And... you have Sandy. I just dont wanna mess anything up for you."

Jensen sat back. He had pleaded his case. He could only hope that Jared would understand.

"I have Sandy..." Jared mumbled under his breath. He looked up at his friend and saw a sadness in his eyes as he nodded his head slowly.  

"You have Sandy," Jensen agreed. "Couldn't force you to cheat man, so we can just call it two buddies letting off steam if that's what you want."

Jared let those words settle in his head. Two buddies blowing off steam. It seemed simple enough, relatively harmless; a secret that wouldn't really haunt him due to its lack of severity. He could live with that right? Yet, when he looked at Jensen he felt an all too familiar magnetic pull. He had always been teased about how the two of them had personal space issues, but for the first time, Jared tried to quickly explore that further. He had never been touchy feely with Sandy, or any other woman he had been with. Yet, here and now, he felt almost compelled to be closer to Jensen than he already was. He wanted to touch and be touched. Not even just with the purpose of getting off, but just to be physically connected to him- it mattered to Jared, he wanted that. Why? This should have complicated things, caused Jared to question a part of himself he felt so out of touch with. Was he gay? Bi? Did it matter? All he knew was that this feeling towards Jensen- he enjoyed it. He wanted more of it, and maybe questioning too much more would only muddy things up when it had been laid out so plainly clear. When he and Jensen first crossed the line, he didn't question anything, he just reveled in it. Why should now be different? 

"Man, I gotta tell you. I appreciate that you're trying to protect me, I do, but I feel like at this point I cant go back. Which is crazy, right?! Like I should be so freaked out right now, totally questioning everything, but I'm just.... not," Jared knew he his voice was high pitched and a little ridiculous, but he always got that way when getting emotional or excited about something. "How can this feel... like, natural? Agh! Dude!" Jared laughed, "I know it looks like I'm losing it, but i swear I'm not, I'm just kinda acting like a fifteen year old in front of a girl he really wants to go out with."

"Except I'm a guy.." Jensen stated matter of factly.

"Oh... yea. Okay in front of a guy I really want to go out with," Jared replied, and he smiled at the truth of it. "What do you want?"

Jensen looked at this giant man boy in front of him; this man who was bumbling around excitedly when he should be so freaked out. Jensen just shook his head with a small smile on his face. Inside, the fact that Jared maybe wanted more made his heart pound, but his inability to see how this could affect his life negatively caused Jensen to feel even more protective of him. He didn't want to be the Debbie downer though, so he scooted closer to Jared on the couch, and immediately Jared leaned toward him, willing to participate in anything Jensen had in mind. Jensen' heart was racing, he had never done what he was about to do, but he couldn't hold it back. He reached forward and cautiously stroked the side of Jareds cheek. It felt so different from that of a woman's, but so perfect. Jared smiled softly as he leaned into to contact, chasing the warmth and security it provided. 

"Ya know," Jensen whispered. His voice was so low, so masculine, it sent shivers down Jared's spine. "You're kinda beautiful," Jensen finished, and Jared's breath left him. He remembered saying that to Jensen only hours ago, and the intimacy it projected was profound. 

"Yea?" Jared asked.

"Yea," Jensen answered, "So. Unbelievably. Beautiful."

Jensen leaned forward slowly and Jared mathched his movements. They were so close now, nose to nose practically. Jensen licked his lips slowly, and Jared moaned so softly it was almost inaudible. Slowly, but assuredly, Jensen closed the gap between them, and the air left the room as their lips gently touched together. It felt so natural to Jared to let Jensen take control of the kiss, and he melted further when he felt Jensen's hands come up and cup around the back of his neck pulling him in harder. Their lips so unknown to each other, and both wanted to explore this new landscape in depth. Jared opened his mouth, and Jensen willingly accepted the invitation, first gently sucking on Jared's bottom lip, and then letting his tongue feel the heat inside Jared's mouth. Jared had always been more vocal, and the sound that a emanated from him was so wanton, so lustful, it caused Jensen to temporarily go dizzy. He pulled away, put their foreheads together as both tried to catch their breath. It was the most intimate and exhilarating moment of their lives and gave way to the excitement and hope they felt for all there was to come. 

That was how their night ended. Just looking at each other, silently promising the things to come, and quietly vowing to be in this together; no matter what obstacles they were unknowingly bound to face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know not a lot of smut here. But to me these boys are about so much more. Please please let me know what you think! It's very wordy, i know, but in my mind it had to be to give context to what these guys are going through in this story....... but I'm not so noble that a crazy amount of smut isn't already in the works :)


	6. Here and Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience! I hope you enjoy...

The next day Jensen had to work on promotional shots and interviews- before he left, he checked in on Jared who was asleep in his room. No matter what had taken place between them, Jensen made it clear he wouldn't,  or couldn't, go on until Jared had some time to process and make some decisions. Jensen had promised him he'd never force him to anything, or try to rush him into any decision. Jared just had to roll his eyes. His decision was made, to hell with the consequences, but they went their separate ways that night anyways.

"Bye dude," Jensen whispered as he peeked inside his room. Jared slept naked, and THAT was something Jensen didn't know until right then.  Shit. "Uhhh," he couldn't help the sound that escaped his lips. Jared was laying on his stomach, but the blanket was shifted way off to the right side, exposing the entire back side of his giant costar. 

"Like what you see little guy?" Jared teased from his prone position atop his bed, he had been half awake anyway.

"Fucker," Jensen mumbled, "Back to the little guy thing eh? I thought we had settled that debate, and did you sleep like this on purpose??"

"Ha, no no, this was just a happy coincidence," Jared started to move and he shifted the blanket back on himself. He sat up and looked at Jensen, and suddenly felt shy. The way he was looking at him, it was a look that resembled a certain sort of desperation.... an intense longing. Jared had never, ever, been looked upon quite that way. It was.... well it was something that's for sure. "You, uhh," Jared coughed, "you heading out?"

"Ye-yeah," Jensen answered. "Gonna be a long day. I was gonna head to set afterwards and just crash in the trailer since we have an early day tomorrow with table reads and blocking. You gonna chill here tonight?" Jensen asked. 

"Yea I think so," Jared said quietly, "but I'll see you in the morning right?"

"Right," Jensen smiled. "See yah later."

Jared watched as Jensen walked away, and part of the happiness he always felt in the morning had dissipated. A small part of him could recognize the familiarity in that. How lonely he would feel if Jensen wasn't around, or how he would immediately be drawn to Jensen when he reappeared. Now, within these new parameters, he wondered if he had listened to his feelings earlier on if this would have happened sooner. Probably.

\---------------------------------------------------

 

Jared was drinking his coffee, and thinking about everything that had happened in the past few days. He smiled as he breathed in the aroma from his mug and reveled in the fulfillment he was experiencing. He really did want this; he really did want to see where this could go with Jensen. He was almost wary, though, that he didn't feel any fear about what might happen if it didn't work out. He couldn't see it _not_ working out though. It just had felt so natural, so right, that if Jared went for this, he knew this would be endgame. He was sure of it.

Jensen had been so honest with him the night before, and truly it broke Jared's heart to hear about what he had went through. It explained so much. Jensen had always been more reserved, always seeming like there was an intensity just beneath the surface, but he didn't trust anyone with it. He did show it though, when he was Dean. when Jensen was playing Dean, every ounce of intensity, charisma, playfulness, and machismo came out in droves. Jared was in awe of it. He had taken Dean, and made him into this amazingly dynamic and full character. He had realized that there was much more to Jensen than met the eye. Slowly Jared had started bringing that out of him. Jensen started showing off his humor more, and Jared could see the confidence it gave him when he had the entire crew laughing. In turn, Jared started coming out of his shell more. He was always a little bit of a clown, but he had thought he couldn't be while he was on set. They realized together how amazing everything could be when they trusted each other and were just themselves. There have been some hard times, but Jared had never been happier in his life then when  he was with Jensen- he only now realizes how profound that was.

Jared had already moved past the 'gay' thing. When he was younger, his mom worried about him that he had never really dated. She found him prom dates, to his horror, and constantly tried to encourage him to get a girlfriend. It just wasn't really in the cards for him. He had been attracted to people, men and women, but when Hollywood started to work out, he made the decision to just focus on the women he found attractive. He didn't think he was giving anything up, and it would just be easier. When he started dating Sandy, his family was literally over the moon. He was too, Sandy really was something special. Sweet, beautiful, and she knew exactly who she was; Jared learned a lot from her. He rubbed his hands over the stubble growing in on his face, and ran his hand through his hair and pulled- hard. Sandy doesn't deserve to be lied to. He couldn't do that to her. 

Halfway through the day, Jared could not put it off any longer. He picked up the phone.. 

"Hey babe," came the soft voice on the other end. "Wasn't expecting to hear from you this early."

"Heyy Sandy," Jared started. Ugh, he was all of a sudden terrified. He had originally thought that if he thought this conversation out too much he would back out of it, so he had gone in ready to wing it. Not a good idea, apparently. "How're things?" He asked, but he could tell he sounded tight and distant, even with so few words. 

"You okay?" Sandy asked, her voice pinged with curiosity. Jared should have known better. Sandy, for obvious reasons, knew him well, and he had the worst poker face ever which evidently transferred to his voice. 

"No, uhh, no Sandy. I mean, ugh shit, I'm okay, but not great. Or at least not, like, as great as I could to be," he rambled. Wow. Perfect. He slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. 

"Riiiggghtt," Sandy replied. "Out with it Jared."

It was strange. The moment at hand. In an instant it was as if Jared was having a true supernatural experience. In the span of a minute, he had replayed all of the most wonderful parts of his and Sandy's relationship. The laughter, adventure, and fun they had. He thought of her smile, and how he loved that he could truly wrap all of her into his arms. At one time, he really loved her. Sadness swept over him, not because he had second thoughts, but that he had failed with her so badly. If he cared to admit it, a small hurt radiated from him that reflected the guilt he felt for what he had done without her knowledge, and for  what he was about to do. 

"Oh man," he starts. He resets himself and tries to find some strength. "Sandy, I'm so sorry, but.."

"Stop," she interrupts him. "Please stop." A long pause passes between them before she continues. "Jared, are you trying to do what I think you're trying to do?"

"Yes," he whispers. Sandy was always so intuitive. 

"Then please, dont say the words," she says, and Jared could hear her voice falter. His own eyes begin to fill to the brim. "I know things have been so wrong, for a while now. Just the distance. I know we are different people than when we first got together, but I had really hoped.." she trails off and Jared knows there are tears on her end as well.

"I had really hoped too. I promise I did."

"I know," she replies. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jared replies. It's true, he thinks, but the love had morphed into a vastly different kind of love. 

"Ill send whatever of yours I have. What do we do with the dogs?" She asks.

"Let's keep the dogs situation the way it is for now," he answers, and he can almost see her nod her head through the phone. 

"I'm sorry Jare," she says softly.

"I am too."

And just like that, the longest relationship he had ever been in was over. He couldn't help but cry throughout the morning for all the regrets he had, but knew in his heart that Jensen was not one of them. 

 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jensen laid down in his trailer after the long, LONG day of promotional shoots and interviews. He didn't really mind doing them, but there was this barrier that he always seemed to put up when he talked with these people. He was sure they weren't trying to make him uncomfortable, and that they were probably very nice people; but he couldn't shake the paranoia that they would feed him to the wolves if they could, so he always stayed very reserved. 

He checked his phone and found that he missed quite a few texts from Jared, so he silently cursed to himself as he called him. 

"Hey," Jared said softly.

Uh-oh, Jensen thought. His radar immediately went off that something was wrong. "Hey," he replied gently, "you okay? I'm sorry I missed your texts, I swear I just got back." He couldn't help but smile. He sounded like a concerned boyfriend.

"No, no dont worry about it," Jared said, "I knew you'd be busy with that today, I just kept texting yah. Made me feel better."

Better from what, Jensen quietly asked himself. "What's wrong?" He asks, his voice softly demanding an honest answer. He knows Jared always feels like a burden when he voices any problems he may have. Jensen hates that he feels that way. 

"I broke up with Sandy today."

Oh... oh. Wow. Jensen freezes up for a moment as he tries to think of something to say. There is just so so much that is implied. You dont end a relationship with someone over something that doesnt matter. So what he and Jared did mattered.... a lot. Jensen can't help but feel relief, but he knows its not the time to share that.

"Jared, I'm sorry. Are you okay? Do you want me to come home? Are you sure about this?" He inundates him with questions, and mentally slaps himself silly for being so pushy. 

"I'm not okay," Jared responds and Jensen feels his heart drop to the floor. He sits down, suddenly to weak to stand. Jared regrets it, he thinks. Jensen tries to take some deep breaths, he promised that he'd follow Jared's lead, but he had hoped....

"Not because I didn't want to, or it wasn't the right thing to do," Jared continues. "It's just a big thing. We had talked about getting married, so its just... strange. It's over."

Jensen is barely breathing. He feels wayyyyy to much right now, and wished he could turn it off at least for a moment. He wasn't sure he was worth Jared feeling so much unease. He says a small prayer to himself that he won't ruin this... like he has everything else in his life. 

¨Jensen... you there?" Jared asks, and trepidation is laced in his voice. 

"Yea.. yea, I'm here. IM just..." Jensen tries to find the words. "I just feel so bad man. I hope you didn't feel pressured... I hope I didn't ruin anything..." he trails off. He isn't sure how to word this. He just wants Jared to be happy; he'd do anything to keep Jared happy. 

"You didn't," Jared starts. "I promise. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't know it was right. It's just strange... and I normally go to you with this stuff, but I know this is different, and I... ugh, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said all of that." 

"No!" Jensen says emphatically. "Of course, I want you to come to me for anything you need Jare. IM here for you, that hasn't changed. I understand why this is so hard. You guys were together for a long time."

"Yea, we were." Jared says, and there is emotion in his voice. "Listen, I'm gonna head to bed. I want you to know that nothing has changed about how I feel about what we did. I dont regret it, and I still want it."

"You do?" Jensen asks, almost unbelievingly, and he cant hide the longing in his voice.

"I absolutely do. But we couldn't go on if I hadn't of done this. I'd do it again, I swear I would. But maybe for a few days..." he ends.

"Yea," Jensen says, understanding the unspoken. "Yea, of course. Take all the time you need."

"Okay," Jared says. "Ill see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow."

 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

The table read and blocking had gone well, both boys thought. Jensen constantly teased Jared about how easy his job was this episode, which Jared laughed about until no end. They both decided that they wanted to pick the food that Jared binged on when Sam had gotten his life back. They both also decided that they should always be on set, even when they weren't part of the shoot, to watch and get a total and complete feel for how this finale was going to go down. 

Typically they shoot things out of sequence, but again, for the end of the season they would keep things rolling in the order of the script. It's a major bonus, because it helps both of them keep in the moment of their character without having to make jumps back and forth. 

They were setting up the shot where Dean is speaking to a lifeless Sam. Once again, Jensen was absolutely not looking forward to this. Kim had decided that Jensen should go for almost stone-like, completely devoid of emotion because there was literally nothing left for him in the world. It started off okay enough, Jensen can normally follow any direction he is given, but something just felt wrong.... dishonest.

"Hey Jense," Kim says meandering over to him. "Whatcha feeling about this?" He asks. It's one of the best things about Kim, Jensen thinks. He truly wants his actors to feel that their opinions matter, because to him they really do. It's why his episodes always have the most genuine performances. 

"I dunno," Jensen starts. "After everything, and what Dean is about to do for Sam, I dont think emotionless is the way to go. He wouldn't be sobbing, but he would be so confused, feel so guilty, so angry that Sam isn't here. I think its gotta be more gutsy. More anger. Dean anger."

"Alright," Kim smiles at him, putting his hands up in the air. "Lets give it a shot man, this scene has to drive home so let's do it. RESET!" He screams out and everyone scrambles. 

Ten minutes later, and everyone is ready to go. That was one fast fucking reset, and Jensen tries to psych himself up. What happens next is pure gold. 

Everyone watches in awe, as Jensen pours everything of himself into Dean's confusion and grief.  His voice hits every note perfectly, never going too far, or holding back too much. It's so honest. You really feel like this is absolutely how Dean would react. The guilt is portrayed in his shoulders, the pain in his eyes, his confusion in the way his hands touch his face, and his loss is shown through his voice. One tear, and one angry growled out desperate plea later, and Kim has finally yelled, "CUT!"

Jensen shakes his head a bit, trying to get out of his Dean headspace, and when he looks around he sees everyone looking at him and smiling. "It's gold man," Kim remarks while moving into the viewing tent. Jensen just shrugs his shoulders with a little side grin. He does feel good about that, it felt much more like the Dean he knows so well. 

"Wow," Jared says softly. Jensen looks down at this giant still lying on the bed and laughs. He reaches his hand out and helps him to his feet. "You're putting the pressure on me man. Those were some impressive man tears."

"It was only one man tear," Jensen says pointedly, correcting Jared. "No sobby wimpy stuff, just pure bad ass man angst."

Jared keeps laughing as he walks to the make-up tent. He needs to get out of dead man make-up, and get ready for his back from the dead moment. "I'll come to set 3 and watch the demon deal scene once I'm ready. Don't start without me!"

"Wouldn't dream of it. I'm more than happy to hold up an entire production while you get you're make up re-done princess." Jensen laughs. His chest feels the warmth at the smile Jared leaves him with as he walks away. They haven't revisited anything from their new found relationship in a week. Jensen promised Jared to give him time, so he will, but it's hard to not touch him now. Well, they always touch, but not in the way Jensen really, REALLY, wants to. He sighs, and gets in the van that will take him to the next set. They are super efficient this episode. Wasting no time.... God he loves Kim. 

An hour later Jensen is set and ready to do the scene with his costar for this segment, the new cross roads demon. She is doing a really great job, and Jensen thinks this scene will be as awesome as he hoped it would be. They're getting ready for the take, and Jensen sees Jared get out of the van. He is in his normal street clothes and his hair is wet.

"Wait a minute, weren't you supposed to get ready for the next scene?" Jensen calls out

"No man, change of plans. They want that scene early morning, so get this done quick cause we gotta be back at set in FIVE AND A HALF HOURS!" Jared says super dramatically and loudly. Jensen grins and looks down at his script shaking his head while the rest of the crew laughs. 

"Hey man," says Doug our second cameraman. "We gotta be here even earlier than that!'

Jared looks at him, and actually feels bad. He didn't ever want anyone to feel that he took their work for granted, or that he didn't know their schedules were often worse than his. "You're right! Alright Jensen were bringing donuts and coffee for everyone tomorrow!"

"There is always donuts and coffee." Jensen deadpans.

That truth dawns on Jared and he has the most adorable look on his strong face. "Shit," he says. "Okay then drinks on us at the Cornerstone tomorrow night!"

That has the desired effect, and the crew salutes him. 

The scene looks awesome, Jared thinks, and this lady playing the demon is spot on. He watches Jensen work his way effortlessly through the dialogue and blocking, he is so good, he thinks. The two of them now are right in front of each other, and she leans in towards Jensen, and Jared's stomach does a few flip flops. He forgot. He'd forgotten that this was going to happen. Jensen leans in to meet her, and kisses her. 

Nope- he exclaims silently to himself. Nope he does not like that at all. It seems like forever that he watches Jensen's lips on hers, but it must only be a few seconds. Thankfully Kim has yelled cut, so the scene is over and they're done for the day. Jared watches as he hugs his co star goodbye and says his thanks for the great work she did. Jensen has always been the most thoughtful actor in the industry' EVERYONE always commented on it. Problem was that Jared didn't see that his co stars always felt the same way about him too. 

Once they're back in their trailers, Jared decided that he has had enough time. He is in no way sad about any decision he has made recently, and really only wanted to take some time to be respectful towards Sandy. Seeing Jensen kissing that woman sent him into panic, he hadn't kissed those lips in too long, and if he gave Jensen any more time, maybe he would change his mind and not let him taste those lips again. 

He takes a few breaths to gather his courage and walks over to Jensen's. It's only a few steps away but in that time his heart swells in appreciation for the man he is about to see. Jensen didn't pressure him at all these past several days. He never avoided him, it was as it always was. Jared was so grateful to him, and really wanted to express his gratitude. 

"Hey," Jensen says as he opens the door. He is a little surprised to see him, and his nerves are a bit jittery. 

"Hey," Jared responds softly. "Could I come in?"

"Yea, of course." Jensen says and moves aside to let the bear of a man through the small door.

Jared walks on through and sits on the bench in the kitchen of the trailer. He looks back at Jensen and just takes in the sight of him. He's super scruffy tonight. Hair out of place, stubble more grown out then usual, and thank god the script called for that, because its sexy as hell. All he is wearing is loose sweat pants and a t-shirt, and they hang on him just so that you can see the outline of his body behind the fabric. His head is blocking the light from behind him, so it illuminates him in this ethereal way and Jared cant help his jaw from falling and his eyes crinkle as if what he is looking at cant be real. "Fuck.." he whispers out, he cant help it.

Jensen looks at him cautiously. If he had it his way he would be on top of Jared right now. He is just too much to not want that. He is sitting all sprawled out, the very expanse of him... he is so broad, so strong, yet still so soft. It drives Jensen crazy.  "You okay," he can barely growl out. He will NOT push Jared any further then he wants to go.

"No," Jared says, and Jensen's head feels fuzzy. "I'm not I okay." Jared finshes, and he cant help but laugh inwardly at how sad Jensen looks. He has no idea.... Jared stands and kicks his shoes off, and smiles when Jensen look changes from sad to utterly confused. He likes playing with him this way. He slowly takes off his jacket.. shirt.. pants.. until he is standing there in just his boxers. Jensen is barely breathing... 

"Are you trying to give me a stroke?" Jensen says, failing at regaining any sort of composure. "Or maybe just kill me outright?"

Jared's smile is dark, playful. He is finding he likes this side of himself, acting as the seductress.... seductor? What's the male version of that? Ugh damnit, he always gets distracted. He turns back to Jensen and looks at him quizzically when he sees an amused smile on his face. He wasn't really going for that reaction. "What?" He asks. 

Jensen' smile widens. "You got distracted by something, I literally saw a thought bubble above your head." Jared rolls his eyes, but Jensen's heart melts a little. 

"Well, I'm glad I amuse you," Jared feigns annoyance. "I can just leave, if yah want?"

"Don't you fucking dare." Jensen growls. "There is no way, sorry baby boy, but I cant let you leave now. not after seeing you like this." 

Jared tries to ignore the shiver that goes up his spine when Jensen calls him baby boy, but he can't. He doesnt know why, but it goes straight to his dick, and it hardens quickly. Of course Jensen notices that straight away.

"You gotta problem there?" Jensen asks, nodding down towards Jared's growing issue in his boxers. 

"Yea.." Jared can barely whisper as he licks his lips. "I thought you could help me." His heart is pounding. It will be further than they have ever gone, but he wants it so SO so badly. 

Jensen walks up to him slowly, and places his hands on Jared's hips. He looks up and meets Jared's lips with his, and immediately realized just how much he missed the taste of Jared. He'd only had it for such a short amount of time that one night, but it left a lasting impression. His hands grip the waistband of Jared's boxers and push them down to his ankles, revealing to him Jared's long and hard cock, that now presses against Jensen's stomach. Jensen pushes Jared down, so he sits again on the kitchen bench. Jensen steps back to admire him, and his mouth waters when Jared grabs hold of his dick and tugs at it. Jensen knows exactly what he wants to do. He immediately drops down to his knees and nearly crawls to get in between Jared's legs. 

"Oh.. oh my god," Jared breathes out, and Jensen smiles at his anticipation. 

"You said you'd imagine me doing this right?" Jensen asks. "Me taking your dick in my mouth, sucking you down, til you come down my throat."

"Yea..." Jared moans, his eyes flitting between close and open, as if he is high on just the thought of it.

"Yea," Jensen whispers back. "I got yah... I got yah baby boy."

With that, Jensen leans in and takes Jared's cock in his hands. It's so heavy, and warm, and Jensen wants to worship it all. He runs his big hands over it, rubbing it off gently, twisting his fist as he gets to the top of it, and he relishes the little sounds that escape the lips of the magnificent man before him. Jensen wants more. 

He brings the head of it toward his face, and Jared holds his breath not believing this is happening. Jensen parts his lips and softly, so unbelievingly slowly, kisses the tip. It's so soft, and he licks his lips afterwards, trying to taste every bit of Jared as he can. He pulls away and is encouraged to go on by the completely blissed out look Jared has on his face. Jensen does it again, and again. He goes down, kissing Jared's dick from the base all the way up to the tip, and at the top he sticks his tongue out and runs it over the slit, licking up every drop of precum Jared has oozed out. He then takes the head and rubs in all over his lips, and then takes his teeth and gently nips at it. 

"Ugh, oh... oh my god," Jared's head falls back and he wills himself to not cum just yet. Seeing Jensen on his cock like that! Please, he thinks, please dont cum now!! 

Jensen doesn't care about that it seems, because at that moment he takes as much of Jared as he can into his mouth. It's so hard to do, because there is so much of Jared, but he will get as much into his mouth and down his throat he can, that's how bad he wants this. He runs his tongue up and down the length of him as he starts to move his head back and forth, slowly, making sure to fully enjoy the weight and taste of Jared in his mouth.

Jensen had never had a man before, and he is so glad for it, because he can't imagine anything being better than the feel of Jared. His cock is velvety soft atop the hardness. It's heavy against his tongue, and Jensen can feel it throbbing against the inside of his cheeks. He can't help the moan that emanates from deep in his throat and can feel Jared shiver in response.

"Oh fu... ugh," Jared tries to say. "Jensen, oh my god..."

Hearing Jared say his name like that eggs Jensen on, and he picks up the pace. He is surprised when he feels Jared push his hips up towards his mouth, and that causes all the blood to rush to Jensen's own dick. He pops off of Jared and smiles when the larger man groans at the loss of contact.'

"Yah like this Jare?" He asks, barely able to keep from diving back in again. "You like my mouth on you? This what you wanted, right? Me on my knees licking your big cock? 

"Shit... You gotta dirty fucking mouth Jensen," Jared pants out at him, barely able to keep his eyes open.

"Wanna come?" Jensen asks playfully, completely reveling in this power he has over his costar. 

"Yea.. yea I wanna come so bad," Jared says, and Jensen shivers himself when he hears that desperate whine in Jared's voice.

"Where, baby? Where you wanna come?"

Jared looks him dead in the eye, still barely breathing, "In your mouth, want you to taste it. Wanna see you with my come down your throat." 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, Jensen thinks and he goes a little dizzy with want. "Well come one then, " he says, "Fuck my mouth Jared. Make me swallow it."

Jared groans as Jensen wraps his beautiful lips around his cock again, sucking him off so so good. The tip of him always going far back in Jensen's throat and How Jensen's tongue always circles around his slit when he pulls back again... fuck he is so good at this. 

Jared takes Jensen at his word and puts a hand on the back of Jensen's head and pushes him down again and again... Jensen is making the most ridiculously hot noises that vibrate on his dick and he almost cant take much more... he starts moaning incessantly and starts rocking his hips so he is completely fucking Jensen's mouth crying out with each and every thrust. He is panting nearly desperate to come, and feels it building as the sweat starts to drip down his toned abs. He is so... so close..

"Jensen... shit. I'm gonna come... Im gonna, ah!" And he is coming. Rope upon rope of his thick hot come starts running down Jensen's throat and he watches in awe as his friend swallows every bit of it. Jensen almost doesn't want it to end so he keeps gently suckling at Jared, trying to clean him off with small kitten licks. Jared can barely stand the sensation, but his body has turned to jello and he can barely move. Jensen sees that Jared is spent, so he slowly god damn sinfully, pulls off of him, and leaves one last lick at the tip.

"Holy shit.." Jared exclaims, but he doesn't even recognize his voice. It sounds so high, so blissed out. 

Jensen just stays on his knees, trying to catch his breath as he tastes all that remains of Jared on his tongue. He looks up and their eyes meet. Jensen smiles, he had no idea he would like doing that so much, but he really REALLY did. Jared look like a god right now; a thin layer of sweat covering his torso, his hair slightly damp, and his eyes heavily lidded and sated. He is still slightly panting, and Jensen can't believe he is the reason Jared looks this way. 

"Was that what you imagined," Jensen says innocently.

Jared smiles that big goofy grin, "No," he says and Jensen looks surprised. "I could have never, fucking never, imagined it would be like that."

Jensen smiles as he stands, and he pulls Jared to his feet and tries to help him balance when his legs are still a little shaky. 

"Can I stay here, with you?" Jared asks suddenly, and Jensen's heart swells.

"Of course," he says softly. "I want you to."

Jared has a sort of arrogant look on his face, and Jensen's curious. "What you look so smug about?" 

Jared grins at him in the most child like way, "You'll taste me instead of her now.." he is so satisfied.

"Wha..." Jensen starts, confused. Then it dawns on him. "Demon girl?" He exclaims, and laughs when Jared nods at him and silently says 'duh'. "Jare were you jealous?" Jensen asks and can't fight the look of wonder on his face.

"Oh my god yea," Jared says and laughs. Than he takes a deep breath and looks at Jensen with the utmost of innocence and honesty behind his eyes. "Crazy jealous," he whispers.

Jensen's nostrils flair and he his eyes narrow. He is being overtaken by this desire to let Jared knows who he belongs to and vice versa... mark him up all over his body claiming what's his... he suddenly notices his throbbing erection that hasn't gone down..

"Wanna show me who I belong to Jare?" Jensen asks. His voice is so authoritative, and Jared loves that.

"Yea.." he replies, and he slowly walks back into Jensen's room.

Jensen has to take a few breaths before her can follow.

 

 


End file.
